This month, in a completely roundabout way, I was inspired by a compliment, and my complete inability to graciously accept it. The other day, a friend complimented my haircut. “Oh, you have a nice haircut,” they said. My immediate response? “Oh no, look what the lady did—she only layered it on one side and completely ignored the other.” Instead of simply saying thank you, I instinctively pointed out the flaw. It’s a habit I’ve noticed in myself, and once I started paying attention, I realised how common it is.
Not long ago, someone said, “That’s such a lovely dress.” I responded, “Thank you, but I actually got it on sale—nothing fancy!” Another deflection, another attempt to downplay the compliment. Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to diminish the value of something others appreciate about us?
It’s not just me. So many people I know – friends, family, colleagues – do this. Compliments seem to trigger a strange reflex to redirect, minimise, or even dismiss. “Oh, it’s nothing,” we say. “I just threw this together.” Or worse, “You’re just being nice.”
Psychologically, this behaviour is tied to a mix of cultural conditioning, social norms, and self- perception. Many of us grow up with the idea that being humble is a virtue. While humility is certainly valuable, it can sometimes backfire when it becomes an inability to recognise our worth or accept appreciation.
You’ve probably heard the term impostor syndrome – a buzzword these days for describing the feeling that we don’t deserve our achievements. While not everyone experiences impostor syndrome in its full sense, the idea resonates here: some of us feel undeserving of praise, even in everyday situations, and that can lead to brushing off compliments. For others, it might simply be the discomfort of standing out, or a fear of being perceived as arrogant.
But here’s the thing: rejecting or minimising compliments doesn’t just affect us—it affects the people giving them. When someone takes the time to compliment your dress, your haircut, or the effort you put into a project, they’re offering you a little gift. When you deflect, you essentially hand that gift back, often leaving them feeling dismissed or invalidated.
How to Accept Compliments Gracefully
If this habit resonates with you, here are a few tips to practice accepting compliments with ease:
- Pause and Thank: When someone gives you a compliment, pause and simply say, “Thank you.” Acknowledging their words is enough.
- Avoid Disclaimers: Resist the urge to downplay the compliment with phrases like, “Oh, it’s nothing,” or “I just got it on sale.” Let the compliment stand on its own.
- Reflect Positively: If you feel like you need to respond further, reflect the positivity back with something like, “That’s so kind of you to notice,” or “I’m glad you like it.”
- Practice Self-Worth: Remind yourself that accepting compliments doesn’t make you arrogant. It’s about recognising the effort, style, or attributes others appreciate in you.
- Reframe Compliments as Connection: Think of compliments as a moment of connection. When you accept them, you’re validating the other person’s kindness, which strengthens the interaction.
This month, I’m heading into the next with a goal: to be inspired by the compliments others give me. To let their words of kindness land and stay, instead of deflecting or diminishing them. Accepting a compliment is about acknowledging someone’s positive perspective of you—not giving the gift back. After all, what better way to be inspired than by allowing others to show you your own worth?
Elzanne McCulloch
